Cry

A list of shit going on.

1. YOU decides to leave me hanging again after giving me tonnnnnes of false hopes. And I cry, oh as usual.

2. So WQ doesn't like me. She doesn't like how I shush Em up during Chinese lessons and talk/laugh during other periods, myself. But did I have a chance to explain before she jumped to judgements? It's not the first time. I shush Em up because Chinese o's are coming. Sense of urgency please? I'm worried for my Chinese cannot? Agh whatever.

3. WQ gives empty I'll-be-there-for-you kinda shit. And it sucks. Okay actually everyone gives me that shit. Including you . Thats not the point. I cried in class and she/Em didn't realise. Not that I yearn for the attention but that just goes to show how much you 'care' about me. Besides you know I was sad. K whatever.

4. I don't even dare to trust any human being. Yeah it's unfair to those who didn't lie or whatsoever but yeahhhh, I'm really scared. Like.. Everyone leaves.

5. I want to talk to J but he's so busy with his o's and I don't wanna stress him/ bother him with my problems more. The more he tells me how he's feeling the heat from o's (which is a good thing I'm happy for him) the more I don't wanna confide in him because I can be real annoying when I'm sad.

Plus..... His replies the previous time I opened up to him made me feel even worse. But that isn't the point. I'm still thankful for him though- at least he asks.

6. My results suck. I repeat, S U C K. Despite studying staying up late study practice and all that shit I still just pass/fail. Seriously dammit. So bloody discouraging. But again, I'll just study harder lol whatever.

7. I feel judged by B and I feel vulnerable around her ALL THE FREAKING TIME. Like she secretly hates me 9999999% and I don't even know how many times she's cursed me in her head. Because Em tells her stuff because even WQ tells her stuff what the shit. And that airhead's rubbish that was dumped into B's mind just made everything worse.

People are too two faced.
I feel confidant-less. It used to be Calissa it used to be Jerald it used to be chiachuan- okay chiachuan and I aren't that close anymore and it saddens me. Still making a farewell card for him though.

See, sometimes I feel so unappreciated and sometimes I feel like I lack affirmation in my life. People don't remind me of my self worth; and I'm helplessly insecure at these kinda shit. I just hope people won't make a joke out of my efforts anymore cause that hurts too. Feels good having thrashed them out here I should sleep soon goodnight xxx

心狠痛

I wish I'd never fallen for you.
I told myself is never let you back in. A year and a half wasn't enough was it? Are you like here to toy with my feelings after every long holiday? I trusted you I thought you'd stay. I really believed you. But whatever, if it makes you happy seeing me crying over you like that time and again. Go ahead, go on and stay this way, cause I'll be strong enough.. Somedaysomehowz. Because the truth is I'd still be here waiting for you even if it hurts. Because I'd love you quietly. Because I'd secretly be here for you. Because I really really loved you, and I still do.

现在我的心很痛。 想哭但不能哭。 爱你

No reason

Don't know why I give a shit about you.
Don't know why I stay up waiting for you on my most tired nights.
Don't even know why I get scared when you don't reply.
Don't even know why you get the better of me.
Don't even know why you chose her > me.
Don't even know why I keep checking my phone to see if you replied but get disappointed 99/100 times.
Don't know why I fell for you over again.