When the silence gets too loud

Just sad, really really sad without a reason. Hate this feeling. It's like uncontainable emotions all jumbled up together in my head and I keep killing my own self esteem thanks to the thoughts. I think I'm at this stage whereby if i ain't a Christian, and if I don't love God, and if I don't know my body is a temple of His', I would already have picked up that penknife and start wallowing in self pity. I mean, the only reason I don't do it is because i love God so much and I don't wanna hurt Him at all. I don't know why I'm saying this but I know He is already hurt by me even having this kinda emotion. I need to get my emotions in check. Man, Lixuan pull yourself together k.