Good Better Best

Ugh. Can't find a proper picture for this post after scrolling through a few pages of weheartit/ tumblr. I need to rant.

Why is it affecting me? Why are the things I see about you and her on social media, affecting me? I just thought I moved on. I thought it was all a big game over between me and you. So what's this feeling I'm killing my thoughts with? Jealousy perhaps. But I promised God I'll never let my emotions get the better of me again. And I know He's listening and watching me move and react. I don't want to disappoint, and I will not let my emotions take over my actions. "It's a sin", someone told me. Gah. I really really really want to unfollow you so freaking bad but I just can't bring myself to do it. It's like a 'i need to' but 'i dont want to' yet at the same time, a part of me knows I really have to, anyway, if it's the reason for tying me down to my insecurities. Argh, mixed feelings.

And JHWX. K, honestly I think you're the best guy friend I ever had even though we're not lovey dovey and all and you're kind of a silent lover and you're not into THAT kinda mushy stuff and I guess I'm rather used to it already. I know you care but sometimes you lack so much affirmation that I start to feel like maybe, you don't. I don't know..... I don't know how to talk to you about this and I know you don't really read my blog after the countless change of urls and yeah, your schoolwork piling up. I know I tell you everything that though you don't read my posts you know what's going on. When you/ CC talk to me about your dream girls all the time, it's not that I'm.. jealous or what, like really cause well I don't crush on y'all but sometimes, just sometimes, it makes me feel kinda awkward. I just stare blankly at my phone and don't know what to reply. Although there are days I shake it off by making it a joke, sometimes my replies.. are filled with some untold emotions behind. Argh I don't know how to explain this feeling. It's sometimes frustrating, sometimes annoying, sometimes disappointing and sometimes puts me in a spot. Because I don't know what to reply but I have to, or maybe because I want to.

That's all I'm done ranting time to sleep......... wait, pack bag first. Yoohoo. Goodnight guys. It was a stay-home day for me. Basically did NOTHING. Don't even know how my day passed so quickly. Anyway, see you all soon. Kinda stoked for PA camp but the thought of their irregular replies are kinda affecting me. They shouldn't. Tata! :)